If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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