I can't watch pbs sober anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
