oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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