hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
