I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
