we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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