she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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