Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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