i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
