so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
