Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
