what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its not stalking. its research.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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