carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
