I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
