This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
