Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
