she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
