I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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