Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
