Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
