It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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