I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
