where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
