I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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