um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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