I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
