yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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