i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this beer tastes like vomit already
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
