I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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