how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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