Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
