It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
