When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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