Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
