Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
