You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need a burrito and a hug.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
