Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
