God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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