I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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