I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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