im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
