did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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