My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
