the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
