I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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