Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
