I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
