Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
