is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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