I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
