My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
