There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
