You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
