Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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