I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
