All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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