I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
